If You Could Only See

Single parenting does not just happen over night, in most cases.  The majority of single parents, statistically, did not start off alone. That being said, there are obvious roadblocks in communication and most of the time it is difficult to get along with the other parent.  When this situation occurs, it is extremely important to hide the arguing and fighting from your children.  You have to be conscious of every word said, every action executed, and any attitude you may have about your ex because children see a lot more than you think.

If the relationship between you and the other parent is so toxic that you cannot communicate effectively without some sort of aggression, your best bet is to find a mediator.  This can be an unbiased family member, or even a legal consultant.  In all reality, there are ways you can make any sort of communication with the other parent obsolete, but that is definitely not recommended whatsoever.  The very best outcome is to find ways to communicate effectively for the sake of your child. I know personally that separation and custodial situations usually do not resolve themselves on their own.

The negative effect that custody battles and fighting between parents have on the children involved are substantial.  In all honesty, I still have trust issues and communication road blocks that I picked up on at a very early age with the help of my parents.  Fighting and arguing deeply effects children, even if you think they are asleep, chances are they are hearing every bitter comment, every curse word, and every exclamation of hatred that you express to your ex-partner.  If you absolutely cannot avoid an argument, walk outside, away from windows so that the children will not hear you, and let it out, but only if you are more than certain they cannot hear you, or see you.  No one wishes for their child to suffer deep rooted psychological trauma, so please avoid it at all costs. Even the littlest comments count.

On a side note, parental separation is difficult for all parties involved, but that does not mean stay in an unhealthy relationship to avoid this conflict.  My own personal motto is “An absent father is better than a bad father”.  I did not have the best of luck with men, and my children are much better off with out them.  My oldest two children have a father that is a registered sexual predator and white supremacist. Enough said. There is absolutely nothing about either of those things I want my children to pick up on.  My youngest son’s father likes to come in and out of his life, and I am a firm advocate for stability so that situation is very unnerving.  His father and I cannot get along for anything at all. I try and he bucks every time. We have gone to court over custody, had an order of protection attempted, and many verbal battles until we came to one single agreement.  We communicate (in a way) through his mother.  She is a very kind woman and has no bias either way.  Our son goes to her house on the weekends the court allowed him visitation, and whenever he feels compelled, he visits him there.  Honestly, I do not even have his phone number. This is the best way for us because we grew into such a lethal combination that nothing could salvage the friendship we once had.  

The main focus of your life is your children, and if you don’t have children you may one day and it’s very possible to run into an issue such as this. I pray that no one else has to deal with the very literal hell of a separation and custody battle, but that is obviously not the way the world works unfortunately.

And be a simple kind of man
And be something you'll love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Oh, won't you do this for me son if you can?
If you can  

-          Simple Man, Shinedown